Happy Birthday to ME ... continued ...

So the thing about chronic depression is ...

Even if you have it "under control," it can cause an accomplished, highly functioning person (like me) to experience periodic "episodes." 

Depression is not the same for every person who suffers from it. Unfortunately for me, my depression never completely goes away and occasionally it returns in what I call a depressive "episode." Although my life may be going along relatively well, an episode or relapse of major depression occasionally brings my life to a screeching halt.

A relapse can be caused by many different events, or by no event at all.  This one was definitely caused by the fact that my 60th birthday was upon me.

 

 Trigger Warning: Depression

 

 A depressive episode, at least in my case, prevents me from functioning in the world and a really bad episode prevents me from functioning at all. This was a really bad episode. That is why I have posted nothing since July 20th. I literally could not. Depression saps the strength from my body to such a degree that I could not raise my arms and type.

 

It also affects my thinking to such an extent that I probably could not have written a coherent sentence. And if I could, I would probably have been sorry because I have little or no control over my own thoughts.

 

 I took vacation time off from work and spent most of my time just curled up in a ball sobbing. (I will discuss handling severe depression in the workplace in a later post.)

 

In my last post I explained that I was having a difficult time coping with this birthday. It's not so much the actual age of 60 that was bothering me. It's the fact that I expected to have accomplished much more than I have by this age, that most of my dreams are no longer  within my reach, and that everything that I have lived for no longer exists.

 

"It's not that I want to die.

 It's that I want something to live for.

And everything that I have lived for either no longer exists,

 or is out of my reach."



I have learned to survive serious depressive episodes by reminding  myself that I have experienced despair before and that it will eventually go away. Although my problems are real, I try to remember that once this hopelessness subsides, I will be able to deal with them.

 

 

These episodes are what were once called "nervous breakdowns," I guess. And it is no easy task to live through them. I have lost friends, husbands, jobs and family relationships because I have an illness.

 

I have much more to share with you, but I can only do it in small increments.

 

Next post: I'll have to wait to see if I need to talk more about depression, or if I can get my life back on track and focus on fun things.

queenisms.com

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

Hello, Upscale Party Readers.

In a few short days, it will be my

Add capthttp://birthday.artmaven.com/clipart

As I explained in my profile, this blog will not only cover party planning and decorating, but will also explore living with major depressive disorder.

TRIGGER WARNING: SERIOUS DEPRESSION

Age has not been much of an issue with me until now. But I am having a really hard time with this birthday. Sixty is very decidedly NOT YOUNG. It's not even middle-aged.  I am turning OLD. 

http://www.keepcalm-o-matic.co.uk

Of course, 60 is nothing like it used to be. I am well aware that Baby Boomers, most of whom have already turned 60, have redefined age and that we can be active and vibrant for many years to come. Many, many blogs and books explain all the wonderful things about being 60. At the very least, they say, "It's better than the alternative!" The alternative, of course, being death.

But when you have suffered most of your life from very serious clinical depression, and when you are in "remission" from the serious stuff, you still suffer from dysthymia (a mild but never ending depression), you're not really sure that this is better than the alternative.

 

It's not that I want to die. It's that I want something to live for.

And everything that I have lived for either no longer exists,

 or is out of my reach.

I will explain in my next post.

Queenisms.com

 

DIY TUTORIAL - Tea Party Hat - Wedding - Derby - Pretty Hat! PART THREE

Hello, Upscale Party Readers!

Let's finish up you beautiful hat and have tea at the nearest TEA SHOP!

You should now have a big fluffy bow!

You have already fluffed the loops and arranged them so the bow has a sort of back area that can be glued to your hat.

 

Try on your blank hat and decide which will be the front and which will be the back. Mark a spot at the back of the hat where you will glue the bow.

It's time to fire up your glue gun!

 

If you have never used a glue gun before, the two sites below provide instructions. The wikihow article is very quick and basic. The craftsunleased article has more detail.

http://www.wikihow.com/Use-a-Glue-Gun
http://www.craftsunleashed.com/craft-basics-main/how-to-hot-glue-tips/

The important thing to remember is that even a low temperature glue gets VERY HOT! Don't use a hot glue gun around small children. DO handle the glue gun carefully. The glue gun and the glue itself will be very hot.

NOTE:

I tried using FAST DRYING TACKY GLUE on this project. Hot glue sets up MUCH FASTER and allows you to finish your gluing much more quickly.  Fast drying tacky glue dries very, very slowly compared to hot glue. I do not recommend it for this project.

When your glue gun is hot, pull the trigger to test it on a paper plate or some other disposable surface.

 

If the glue seems to be flowing easily, it's ready to use. 

 

Glue the bow to your hat.

1. Hold the bow by its loops with one hand, (you can fluff them out again later), and hold the glue gun in the other. Squeeze the trigger and apply glue to the back side of the bow. At this step, you will need to put a lot of glue on the back side of the bow, but do it quickly, because it sets up quickly.  Press the bow to the spot on your hat that you have marked.
2. You will probably need to put down the glue gun and hold the hat while you press the glued part of the bow against the hat.  Hold the bow against the hat firmly while it sets up. The glue will be very hot, and may seep through to the inside of the hat. If you must put your hand inside the hat while pressing on the bow, wear a glove or an oven mitt. After less than a minute your bow will be attached to your hat.

NOTE: You may notice thin strings of glue that are created when you pull the glue gun away. Don't worry about those now. Later we'll check for strings and excess glue and remove it.

Attach the roses.

1. Each small rose must be cut off of its stem using your wire cutters.
2. Use your glue gun to add some glue around the center where you cut off the stem and press it to the hat.
3. Start by placing the first small rose just forward of the widest bow loop on one side and add the second small rose in approximately the same spot on the other side of the bow. These small flowers should be glued just at the fold of the brim.
4. Add more small roses, one at a time. In order to keep the ring of roses somewhat symmetrical, glue the next few roses at the center front of the hat, then add one rose at a time next to the roses you glued back by the bow loops. Add small roses, one at a time, close to each rose that you have already glued, alternating side to side, from back to front, and front to back.  You will find that some of the roses on each stem are smaller than others. For a more attractive look, alternate the sizes in a semi-symmetrical pattern.

Finishing touches!

1. Cut some of the same ribbon used to make the bow into about 8 to 10 inches. Glue the end of one piece of ribbon and carefully lift the lower loops of the bow and slide the glued end under the bow. Hold it still for a few seconds until the glue sets, then do the same with the next piece of ribbon.

 

2 . I decided to add a few more streamers by cutting lengths of a thin white organza ribbon and glue them under the bow in the same way.

3. Cut the large rose from its stem, but this time leave about an inch of stem. Hold it by its petals and add glue to the back of the rose and down all sides of its stem.

4. Separate a few of the bow loops and insert the stem of the rose as far into the bow as it will easily go. Hold it a few seconds while the glue sets.

5. Cut a few of the leaves from the stem and glue them just under the rose. Add another leaf or two so they peek out from under the rose. 

 

PERFECTION!

1. Well, not perfection, exactly, but to make your hat look more attractive and professionally made, you must check carefully for any empty spots that might need a small rose or a few little green leaves added. It is much prettier if some of the flowers overlap and a few green leaves peek out from behind a few flowers than to have empty spaces.

2. Finally, look over your hat for any strings or globs of glue. Hot glue guns are difficult to use and I usually end up with some glue that needs to be removed. Use a pair of tweezers to carefully just pull the dried glue away. That is one of the best things about hot glue - it comes off easily, usually with little or  no damage to your project.

Now you can feel very accomplished at having made your beautiful hat! And you can feel beautiful wearing it!

 

 

If you don't have a tea shop nearby, or even if you do, it's time for you to plan to

HOST A TEA PARTY! 

 

 

 

Queenisms.com

 

DIY TUTORIAL - Tea Party Hat - Wedding - Derby - Pretty Hat! PART TWO

Happy Independence Day! 



http://vintageholidaycrafts.com/4th-of-july-vintage-postcards/

Hello, Upscale Party Readers!

I hope that you are having a wonderful holiday weekend!

This is Part Two of my DIY Pretty Hat Tutorial.

STEP 3: Assemble the bow.

You have already chosen the ribbon for your hat. Mine is a 1.5" floral satin polyester ribbon. You will need about 1 and a half yards.

A. Fold the ribbon.

There are a few ways to make a fluffy bow.

 

I find it easiest to hold the beginning end of the ribbon and circle it around itself making about a ten inch circle, then flattening the circle into a pile.

 

Other crafters prefer to flatten the ribbon as they fold it back and forth over itself. 

Each layer should be twice the size of the bow you want to create. My accordion layers are about ten inches wide, so that each loop of the bow will be about five inches in size.

Once you have made about ten layers of ribbon, flatten them out.   

 

B. Cut and tie the layers together.

 

Cut a little "V" in the center of the pile of ribbon.

 

Cut a second V across from the first, so now your pile

of ribbon has a narrow center.

 

At the cut center, use small gage wire or a thin piece of

ribbon to tie the layers together.

 

 

 

C. Pull apart the layers and shape your bow.  

 

Hold your ribbon firmly with one hand at the center and pull each loop toward you, one at a time, shaping it into a loop. Pull all loops on one side of the center then do the same with the other side.

 

 

 

Since you will be placing this bow against the hat, arrange your loops so they have a "front" and a "back" side. Fluff all the loops and shape them until you are happy with the overall shape.

 

      

 

Step 4: Next time -Attach your bow to your HAT!

 

 

Queenisms.com

DIY TUTORIAL - Tea Party Hat - Wedding - Derby - Pretty Hat! PART ONE

 

Hello, Upscale Party Readers! 

 

 

This is the first of many craft tutorials. My instructions assume that you are new to crafting. Of course, if you are crafty or artistic, you can adjust these instructions as desired. But if you are not yet crafty, you can make this lovely hat by following these steps.

 

Step 1: Find a hat blank.

-

You can find a plain hat like the one I used here in a craft store or a thrift store.  Sometimes department stores will have very inexpensive hats that may have a band or decoration that can easily be removed without damaging the hat. This hat came with a small braid around the crown. I only needed to snip a few threads and I have a perfectly fine hat blank.

 

 

Step 2: Gather your supplies.

You will need  a yard and a half of ribbon, 16 to 20 small silk roses, one large silk rose,  a hot glue gun, glue sticks, some paper covered wire or thin ribbon, wire cutters and scissors.  All of these can be purchased at  any craft store.

 

Notes for First Time Crafters:

• RIBBON. When you shop for ribbon, you will find many different kinds at a craft or fabric store. The ribbon that I used on this hat is "flora-satin" ribbon, the kind a florist would use in a fresh flower arrangement. Floral ribbon is less expensive than fabric ribbon, which is usually softer and often made of a satin, silk, organza or velvet like material. Some ribbon will be wired to hold its shape, but in a bow this size, the floral ribbon seems to hold its shape very well. Choose whatever ribbon you like.

 

• ROSES.  New crafters are sometimes confused when they buy silk flowers because they come on stems. Each stem will usually have 3 or more flowers. In order to use the flowers in a craft project like this hat, you will need to cut the flowers off the stem. The stems are made of plastic covered wire. In order to cut the flower off, you will use your wire cutters. Don't throw away the green leaves that are also on the stem. You will want to use some small leaf groups peeking out from beneath some of the flowers.

 

• HOT GLUE GUN.  If you have not used a HOT GLUE GUN before, I suggest that read a separate article on glue gun use. They get VERY HOT and children should not use them. There are lots of glue gun tutorials. Here is a good one to start with: http://www.craftsunleashed.com/craft-basics-main/how-to-hot-glue-tips/

 

Step 3: Come back next week!

The next step in making your beautiful hat is to assemble the large bow for the back of the hat. Assembling the bow is the most difficult step and will probably take a full post to explain. (Experienced Crafters: Remember, I am writing this for readers that have NO experience!) Next time, I will explain - step by step- how to make this lovely bow.

 

 

 

Queenisms.com
 

 

Beautiful Tea Party Hat, Wedding Hat, Summer Hat, Tutorial PREVIEW

Hello, Upscale Party Readers!

I promised that I would post once a week and I've already gotten behind. Things certainly get in the way when you are a working-full-time single mother!

I have started to draft a DIY tutorial on how to make this lovely hat:
Because I want readers who do not consider themselves "crafty" to be able to follow my directions (and because once a teacher - always a teacher), I am being very specific about each step in the process. Therefore, of course, it is taking me much longer than I had planned to create the post.

 

I wanted to show you the pretty hat that you will be able to make so that you will check back in a few days.

 

The tutorial will be up very soon, and even if you have never done any crafting in your life, you will be able to make this lovely hat!  PROMISE!

 

Crafting Your Way Out of Depression

Hello, Upscale Party Readers!

As I explained in my profile, I want to use this blog, not only to talk about crafting beautiful things and planning upscale events, but also to share my experience living with major depressive disorder. Entertaining and creating beautiful things has probably been the one constant in my life, other than the presence of mental illness.

TRIGGER WARNING (depression)

My childhood ...

My mother was always entertaining and she did so in truly upscale style! Throughout my childhood, our beautiful home was always elaborately decorated for parties and holidays! These are the memories that I cherish. These are the times when my family was together and life seemed happy.

In between the picture perfect holidays and behind the beautiful facade, however, my family was in constant turmoil. I always knew that something just wasn't right; I always felt that somehow I was not normal. But it wasn't until long after I became an adult that I understood how unhealthy my upbringing had been and that it was still affecting my life. 

 



http://www.jinbiban.com

Both of my parents suffered from undiagnosed and untreated mental illnesses. My father was a suicidal manic-depressive, obsessive compulsive alcoholic. And yet he was high functioning and able to succeed in his career as a prominent attorney. My mother, among other things, was codependent, depressed, had attention deficit disorder and narcissistic personality disorder. And yet she was also a gracious hostess, able to welcome guests from all walks of life and make them feel comfortable at any occasion.

More about my tumultuous childhood later. In the meantime, if you are interested in learning more about adult children of alcoholics (ACA) here are some resources:

http://www.adultchildren.org/lit-Laundry_List

http://www.thefix.com/content/5-characteristics-adult-children-alcoholics

This little glimpse into my childhood was intended to put my depression in c0ntext. Growing up in a home environment where the parents are unpredictable and often abusive

http://www.iechar.org

is no easy task. I still suffer from feelings of anger, abandonment and shame, and feelings of great sadness and loss, all of which basically come down to severe depression.

 

Through a series of unfortunate events, I do not have the affluence of my childhood, but I have my mother's legacy of sophisticated taste and appreciation for elegance. I began crafting and doing DIY projects because I wanted beautiful things that I could not afford to buy.

Recently, I realized that my obsession with crafting has been a way of coping with my depression. Crafting produces a calm state similar to the idea of Zen.

When one mindfully dwells in the present moment, one completely dissolves into whatever activity manifests.  One becomes the activity.  Most people have had peak experiences, which all involve being so totally involved with life that one’s sense of separateness dissolves into the experience.  Very Zen.

 http://www2.bc.cc.ca.us/resperic/what_is_the_meaning_of_zen.htm

 

To read more about the benefits of crafting for those of us who suffer from anxiety, depression or chronic pain, see this recent article by Jacque Wilson, of CNN:

http://www.cnn.com/2014/03/25/health/brain-crafting-benefits/index.html

 

More about living with depression to come.

 

Next up: My first Craft Tutorial!