Upscale Etiquette - Part One

Alice Meets the Mutton

“You look a little shy,” said the Red Queen. “Let me introduce you to that leg of mutton. Alice – Mutton: Mutton – Alice.”

The leg of mutton got up in the dish and made a little bow to Alice, and Alice returned the bow, not knowing whether to be frightened or amused.
“May I give you a slice?” Alice asked.
“Certainly not,” the Red Queen said, very decidedly: “It isn’t etiquette to cut any one you’ve been introduced to.”

What comes to mind when you hear the word ETIQUETTE?

Snobbery? Elitism? Unnecessary constraints on behavior? Uncomfortable clothing? Little girls at tea parties? Pinkies up?

This passage from Through the Looking Glass is one of many in Lewis Carroll's Alice books mocking the Victorian rules of etiquette. The Victorian era was a time in which adherence to social protocol was of tremendous importance. Although rules of proper behavior had been around for thousands of years (the oldest book of etiquette in existence was written in 2400BC during the reign of Rameses of Egypt), it was during the Victorian era that books of Etiquette became available to the masses.

The Victorians developed a system of rules taking the concept of proper behavior to an extreme, devising rules for every social situation. The introduction of Alice to the leg of mutton was intended to be a mocking of a particular rule of etiquette which states that a lady should never "cut" someone, meaning fail to acknowledge their presence, after having been introduced, "unless it is absolutely necessary." I tried to find out under what circumstances a "cut" would be absolutely necessary but was only able to find out that it was "only in the most extreme of circumstance."

 
One of Alice's most memorable encounters with skewed social etiquette is, of course, the Mad Hatter's Tea Party.
 

 

Even today we associate a tea party with High Society and Rules of Etiquette. I suppose that this association with the Victorian concept of proper behavior is the reason why so many people seem to hate the idea of having rules of etiquette.
 
Certainly there have been social crimes committed in the name of etiquette, but it was never meant to be used as a tool to shame or belittle others.
 
"[E]tiquette isn’t about showing other people how sophisticated you are, ...  It’s about knowing how to make [others] feel welcome, special, and valued.” 

http://www.theteahousetimes.com/

 

 

Etiquette simply "means treating people with

 consideration, respect, and honesty."

http://www.emilypost.com/

 

There are hundreds of books, articles, and blogs that discuss etiquette as it applies in contemporary society. Because an Upscale Party necessarily requires the host to be familiar with rules of behavior that will make her guests feel welcome, I will be covering at least some rules of behavior in future posts. But don't worry, there will be no requirement of pinkies up!